


True Facts About The Chiss

by ZsforSs



Category: Star Wars: Thrawn Series - Timothy Zahn (2017)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Implied Violence, Remember those 'True Facts' animal videos?, Remember to read in Morgan Freeman's voice, The Thranto is mostly implied., This is a written form of that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-18
Updated: 2019-09-18
Packaged: 2020-10-21 01:22:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20685161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZsforSs/pseuds/ZsforSs
Summary: *clears throat**in a decent Morgan Freeman voice*Are you a fan of the hilarious and probably educational 'True Facts' video series by Internet funnyman zefrank1?Then this is just what you've been waiting for.  A loving tribute to everyone's favorite Star Wars species done in his style....No, notWookies.Seriously didn't you read the title of the fic?





	True Facts About The Chiss

**Author's Note:**

> Before we begin a brief FAQ.
> 
> Q. What are you talking about and why are you trying to sound like Morgan Freeman?
> 
> A. If you are unfamiliar with the work of Youtuber zefrank1, and his 'True Facts' series in general it is recommended you educate yourself before continuing.
> 
> Simply go to your search engine of choice, type in 'zefrank1' and 'True Facts' and hit Enter. Then bask in the comedic wonder you have found. I like the one about the owls.
> 
> That's it. There are no more questions. I told you this would be brief.

Here we will explore True Facts about the Chiss.

The Chiss are a secretive races hailing from the Unknown Regions of the Galaxy. While it is common knowledge the Chiss'... ... _Chisses? Chiss's? No idea how to say that..._ Their homeworld is called Csilla. No one- except one hopes, the Chiss- knows where exactly the planet is located.

Imagine if you lived way out in the middle of nowhere, and you'd camouflaged your house so well that no one but you could find it. And then you and your entire family, even the ones not living at home, just constantly lied about where your house was and what it looked like. That is how the Chiss do.

The Chiss are renown for having secret knowledge on many topics- though some people suspect the Chiss are just saying that to sound cool.

The Chiss are actually a rare type of blue flamingo... Or maybe not, they are sneaky like that.  
  
The Chiss normally mate for life, unless they don't. _... Seriously do we have any concrete information on them? ... They're blue... With red eyes. How am I supposed to make a video out of that? Why are we even recording if we don't have enough facts to fill five minutes?_

The Chiss' distinctive skin and eyes are actually a result of their species living in underground ice caves for generations. Or maybe it's camouflage. Or maybe they're all wearing tons of make up.

Chiss lay eggs- or not. Like I said we really know jack shit about them.

What do the Chiss eat in their underground caves? Wouldn't you like to know.  
  
Here we see a rare image of a bebe Chiss. Seriously, this is the only footage of a kid we have-

_Holy Shit!_

_Did the guy who filmed this just get shot? Can we even show this?_ _We can?_ _*clears throat*_ The Chiss are very protective of their young. So protective they'll just shoot you.

It has been reported that Chiss have infrared vision. Meaning they can see how hot something is. If a Chiss looks at you and says “Ten” they're probably hitting on you because that is not how infrared vision works.

Remember, if a Chiss is hitting on you they can already see how much you're into them, so don't waste their time playing hard to get. They could have anyone in this bar and they know it.

Does this mean all Chiss are freaks in the sack? Porn and the Holonet say 'yes'!

The most famous Chiss in the galaxy is probably Grand Admiral Thrawn, who was reportedly exiled from his homeworld for “being insufferable.” _ ...Do we have a source on that? Oh. 'Every Chiss we talked to' is a pretty good source I guess._

Here we have some footage of Grand Admiral Thrawn on the job..._ That's, that's just him standing in a hallway. Is this the best footage we had? Oh wait, who's that? Another officer obviously... his aide? Why are the going into that supply closet?_

_...Oh they must be doing inventory._

_...Come on guys who filmed this? They aren't even on screen anymore. Steve? Well that explains that..._  
  
We asked Imperial Officer Eli Vanto, Grand Admiral Thrawn's aide, for any insight into the Chiss, and he said, “Who are you and what are you doing in my room?”

So remember, Don't fuck with the Chiss, because they will fuck you up even worse.

_...Seriously this episode was really hard on the Research team. Lost like three of them- oh Steve's not dead? Just in jail? That's good._

_...No I don't have bail money. I do not get 'the big Narrator bucks!'_

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to those folks who egged me on. 
> 
> You know who you are. ;)


End file.
